Today's Childfree Reinforcement
Or: How To Make a Shopkeeper Hate You
- •Today is technically my day off, but my employee is sick and she has never called out in the 3+ years she has worked for me, so of course I'm here today.But I still covet my day off and will be a bit grouchy because I'm missing it.
- •I didn't stop to get coffee or breakfast on my way in because I was off my game already.Forgot the bank, too.
- •I was immediately bombarded with phone calls and credit-related requests that I don't have the answer for.I hate getting a bunch of phone calls the minute I walk in, no matter what day it is.
- •Then: A young mom comes in with a wee hellion.I don't like kids and my shop is completely not child proof, so of course kids love to ruin my shit, because they are evil and know their powers.
- •He runs right to the rubber rain boots and starts pulling them on and moving them around the shop.Okay, at least it's not a $300 leather boot.
- •He sees my vintage shoe shine bench/kit and starts pulling out all the display polishes.It's a fucking free-for-all.
- •Meanwhile: Mom tells me she was looking at boots online and wanted to see see what I had but that it didn't look like I had the one particular style she had seen.True. Company makes 100 styles per season, I stock 8. Kind of hard to chat about boots when your beastchild is terrorizing my store.
- •The kid is opening and closing all my backstock drawers repeatedly.No, its not a toy box. I checked.
- •Then he's pulling on my precisely-arranged and hung with fishing line window display pieces.Jesus.
- •He's crashing through my side display window which is roped off and messing up things because they look like toys.There's a vintage-looking cast-iron squirrel in the window that kids love to find.
- •And mom is kind of telling him no but he's still fucking up my shit.I know it's not totally his fault, but he still sucks.
- •Instead of saying, "Get your spawn the hell out of my store." I say, "Your house must be a lot of fun."While I think about my clean, kid-free house waiting for me, where I can drink wine and read and watch tv on my couch with the only interruption being my boyfriend asking what I'd like him to make me for dinner.
- •Finally she realizes that shoe shopping is best done when evil child is not with her.I love when they finally figure this out.
- •She picks up the kid and they leave.Yesss.
- •I'm 36 and childfree and it's one of my favorite things about me.