You Might Be Me If...
Totally snagged from @blanelly et al.
- •You write the date you opened a hair or body product on the bottom of the container to track how long it takes to use it.And to therefore justify spending $40 on a bottle of shampoo.
- •You have a frightening/hilarious habit of cutting a rambunctious fart about 15 seconds before someone walks into the store.Maybe it draws them in?
- •You are so dedicated to ALWAYS air-drying your socks! You NEVER put them in the dryer!Winner.
- •You can predict any negative effects of your lactose intolerance like clockwork.Ice cream? That is truly living on the edge.
- •You still have a stash of refillable mechanical pencils from college.And you graduated in 2003.
- •Your drive to work is a self-righteous journey in which you see a whole slew of Fucked-Up Weirdos of all kinds and you think "Well, I guess it could certainly be worse."What an asshole!
- •You will never require coffee so badly as to actually use powdered non-dairy creamer in it.Non-negotiable.
- •Even though you had a fairly happy childhood, you don't get the point of having kids and wonder why anyone would actually want to do such a thing.And birth stories? WHY???
- •You love to tell teens: "Why, when I was your age, phones were attached to the wall!"Don't even get me started, Sonny.
- •You have owned an automatic transmission vehicle for nearly a year and still often attempt shifting into a lower gear when stopping or slowing.
- •You refer to Camels as "Double-humpers" or "Single-humpers" and are pleased as punch that both of them exist in emoji form like so:🐫 🐪 🐫 🐪
- •You are looking out of a window, across the street, into an office that has a sizeable bunch of colorful balloons floating and you can't stop wondering why they are where they are.Birthday? Workshop? Carnival? Clown College?
- •You are really just existing until the next time you spot a dog in the driver's seat of a parked car.