1. An app that mildly electro-shocks you when a certain person texts you so that you can go to sleep soundly knowing you'll wake up if they decide to contact you at 3am
  2. A way to view porn through the searches/preferences of someone you like. Like the Spotify activity column, but for pornhub
  3. Push notifications for things like them favoriting a tweet, liking an Instagram, or "showing signs of life online"
  4. A special password locked camera roll album for sexy pictures so they don't come up when you're scrolling through your regular photos in front of someone.
  5. "Intervention," a setting that forces you to forward everything you say to someone specific to a chosen friend so you can be held accountable for your bad decisions.
  6. A toggle for Instagram so you can get deep in someone's history without being afraid of double tapping.
  7. An ability to completely lock a specific person's number and social media accounts based on a breathalyzer test.