A Christmas Hot Take: Winter Wonderland Is About Fucking A Snowman

  1. "In the meadow we can build a snowman"
    Innocent enough.
  2. "Then pretend that he is Parson Brown"
    Yes, this could be saying the snowman is priest, and that they want him to officiate their wedding, but hold up.
  3. "He'll say: are you married?"
    Because the first thing priests always say to a couple is, "Are you married", right?
  4. "We'll say: no man, but you can do the job when you're in town."
    I mean, this says it all.
  5. "Later on, we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire,"
    "Conspire: make secret plans jointly to commit an unlawful or harmful act." This seems to disapprove the wedding theory, because who would count marriage as "unlawful and harmful"? (In 1934 interracial marriage was illegal in most states, and homosexual marriage was not legal, but since it was written, composed, and sang by straight white men, we can probably assume the couple is straight and white, hence their marriage would be perfectly fine in the eyes of the people at the time)
  6. "To face unafraid, the plans that we've made, walking in a winter wonderland."
    Not even afraid of frostbite on your most delicate parts?
  7. "In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he's a circus clown"
    Coulrophilia, the sexual attraction to clowns.
  8. "We'll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman,"
    Ew.
  9. "Until the other kiddies knock him down."
    Well, I mean, you've entered into unholy relations with a ball of snow, the public was bond to be outraged.