Dream Vacation

  1. I win a radio contest, and win a free trip (all inclusive, of course) for me and 5 people to Maui.
  2. So I bring my family.
    Mostly because they would disown/murder me if I even thought about bringing anyone else. Grandma tags along because she can afford to pay her own way.
  3. We land, and I immediately get laid.
    Okay, they just put a lay around my neck, but still... (Photo from the Maui Airport, 2008)
  4. The first day is mostly spent hanging around the hotel and unpacking. We go to Bubba Gump's for dinner.
    I don't like shrimp, but the key like pie is delicious!
  5. The second day, we drive the Road to Hana.
    We do this because of the scenery and to explore some of the less busy parts of the island, but mostly because last time we were here, we drove to Hana with my Grandfather.
  6. We eat way too much Hawaiian Shaved Ice.
    But in actuality, it's not possible to eat too much Hawaiian Shaved Ice.
  7. The third day is spent snorkeling and whale watching.
    My parents have to literally drag me out of the ocean to make our scheduled departure for the whale watching tour.
  8. The fourth day, we hop islands and visit the Pearl Harbor Memorial.
  9. The fifth day, we hang around the beach in front of the hotel, because we are all too exhausted to do anything else.
    This time around, I don't pretend to be dead in the water, and we don't get yelled at by hotel security. (Probably)
  10. We go surfing on the sixth day.
    I discover I am a pro, and am offered a multimillion surfing contract. (Jk, I manage to stand up on the board one time for about 15 seconds)
  11. The morning of the seventh day, we pack and arrive at the airport.
  12. But at the airport, we discover that a horrible storm is supposed to come, and all flights are canceled.
  13. We go back to the hotel, and wait for the storm to come.
  14. The storm is nothing more than a rainstorm.
  15. We prepare to go back to the airport, when suddenly people start dying.
    A super virus has been created by a super secretive CIA base on an undocumented island several hundred miles from Hawaii. The storm had destroyed the secret facility, but had calmed down a lot by the time it reaches Hawaii, but the virus was carried with it.
  16. Due to my families superior genes, we survive.
    Look at us! No way a simple man made super virus is killing us.
  17. We are the only people alive on the island.
  18. We move into a bigger, better hotel on the other side of the island.
    We each get our own floor.
  19. The day after everyone dropped dead, we stockpile on food.
  20. The second day, I get a brand new Mustang GT from the car rental agency at the airport.
    My little sister also gets a GT, my older sister gets a Corvette, oldest sister gets a Lamborghini. Parents get a hummer, grandma gets an SUV. (She's practical)
  21. The third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth day is spent getting all of the bodies out of the hotel.
    This takes so long because we keep getting distracted by going through all of their possessions. We find a lot of really interesting things, all of which would get me reported if I shared a picture.
  22. The ninth, tenth, eleventh, and twelfth day, I travel to all of the libraries on the island and get all of the books I might want to read.
    This takes four days because I can only fit so many books in my small car, and has too keep going back to the hotel to empty the car. (I refuse to use my grandma's SUV, because I like driving fast on the deserted roads)
  23. On the thirteenth day, we raid all of the scuba shops and move all of the equipment to the hotel.
  24. Days fourteen-fifty, we just relax on the tourist free-free beaches, scuba dive in empty oceans, and fish to our hearts' desire.
    I don't fish because I am too busy swimming or reading.
  25. Day fifty-one, we discover other survivors when their cruise ship crashes on a beach in the other side of the island.
    There are 50 of them, and they have gone insane from exposure and starvation. (They were on the last day of the cruise when the virus hit, so the food was already running low. They burned through it in the next two weeks because they had planned on being rescued by than)
  26. Despite the island being so big, and there being several other deserted islands they could have moved to, they declare war on us.
  27. We had already collected all of the guns from the island's gun shops, and most of the ones from private homes. The only weapons they manage to find are machetes and sharp sticks.
  28. We try to reason, but they don't listen. All out war breaks out.
  29. We are forced to kill them.
    Unsurprising to us, probably very surprising to you readers, grandma gets the most kills. (20/30)
  30. 20 people surrendered, and we make peace. They move into the hotel next door, and we all have a happy and full life. We reproduce, and die leaving a large and thriving population immune to the virus.
  31. Eventually, our children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and great great grandchildren have become to large to stay on the island, and move to the other islands.
  32. Many decades later, they have grown too large for the islands, and migrate to the main land.
  33. They discover that any survivors of the virus have died off before they could repopulate.
  34. Thousands of years later, the world once again reaches the same population that there was before the virus, and every living person on the face of the earth can trace their lineage back to me and my family.