If Ron Howard Narrated My Life

To be updated regularly.
  1. Me: "I don't know."
    Ron: "But he really did."
  2. Ron: "And suddenly brett found himself in a Shari's at midnight surrounded by people whose idea of a Disney channel show was 'Jessie'."
  3. Me: "I'm not superstitious."
    Ron: "He has not failed to knock on wood three times after jinxing himself in five years."
  4. Ron: "Brett vowed to never say 'nothing' when asked what his plans were in an attempt to never get roped into things. He broke that vow two weeks later. And then again a month after that. And three weeks after that."
  5. Me: "Sorry, but I already have plans."
    Ron: "His plans were to watch Netflix in his underwear."
  6. Ron: *Mercilessly points out every time I misuse a word.*
  7. Me: "I know what my sister said, but no. I did not have a shrine of High School Musical."
    Ron: "And he didn't. He just had the special edition of People Magazine, two foldable posters, all three CDs, and all the lyrics printed and kept in a binder, all of which he kept in a drawer. For it to be a shrine, I'm pretty sure it would need to be displayed."
  8. Ron: "People liked to go to Brett to talk about relationships and dating, despite his one and only date ended in him both ghosting and getting ghosted."
  9. Ron: "And for the third time in the past hour, brett found himself yelling obscenities at an inanimate object."