Let's Talk About My Dad's Extended Family

I may have mentioned they were trash before. Well, it's the annual weekend camping reunion.
  1. My great aunt once almost got into a fist fight with her nephew because they heard a woman screaming in the forest and they disagreed on rather to wait for the police or run off into the woods.
    Alcohol was obviously involved. The police found nothing in the woods. Supposedly, the woman was screaming "help me and my brothers!"
  2. One of the great uncles was married to a woman that both of his sons had had sex with.
  3. One of my dad's cousin's ex husband of fifteen years still comes with his new wife who LARPs as a fairy and literally leaves a trail of glitter in her wake.
    Weirdly enough, it's not weird that exes still come. One cousin doesn't come anymore specifically because her ex still comes. (Please tell me if this happens at your reunion, because I think it's so bizarre.)(but the one year we let one of the cousin's exes sleep on our site, we got blacklisted.)
  4. Last year, my dad's cousin's wife got drunk and was carrying around her dog in a pet carrier. She kept putting it down upside down.
  5. Someone emptied their poop water out of their trailer. In the campground. It flowed down into a second cousin's tent.
  6. One of the cousins threatened to throw one of the kids in the creek, and he said do it. So they played like they were going to, and then the kid full on slapped someone in the face. He went in the creek.
    But it's okay; the kid is a psychopath. (They once walked in on him chocking his cousin)
  7. One of the great aunts got drunk last year and had her great niece's boyfriend sit on her lap. For a long time.
  8. An aunt once got attacked by a bat.
    Weirdly enough, her son used to be terrified of bats and wore a Barbie helmet to protect himself.
  9. After college, a cousin came out as lesbian. Her and her partner decided they wanted a baby, so my cousin gave herself to her boss as a birthday present. He thought he was just getting intercourse, she made sure it was procreation. She gave birth to the psychopath mentioned earlier. A few years later she broke up and came out as straight.
    (I say came out as straight because as I understand it, she doesn't consider herself bisexual.) @amieshmamie this is the story I was thinking about in the comments, but then your story of attempted murder got me thinking about the one I suggested in your list.
  10. Here's a pic of us siblings.
  11. Here's some guy photobombing us. No one knows who he is, we asked around.