The First Time I Got Drunk

  1. My grandmother took me and my cousin on a cruise as a graduation present.
    If you're wondering, yes, the same grandmother that almost blew up a K-Mart. (The Time My Grandmother Almost Committed an Act of Terrorism on Accident)
  2. I had graduated two years prior, my cousin had graduated one year prior.
    Neither of us were 21, and neither of us had done much drinking. We were looking forward to being able to drink.
  3. The first stop was Cozumel, Mexico. There was an open bar, but only for people 21 and over.
    Which, frankly, made no sense? But we did get a beer in a bar in town, and a free shot of tequila from a jewelry store. (The tequila was very watered down).
  4. The second stop was Belize City, Belize. We took a tour of some Mayan temples, but didn't have time for anything more than one beer.
  5. The fourth stop was Costa Maya, Mexico. There was an open bar, but it was 6am and we didn't feel much like drinking too much. (But, of course, we obviously did some drinking).
    And, after the third stop, I wasn't looking to drink a whole lot.
  6. The third stop was Roatán, Honduras. And this is when the real story starts.
  7. We had an excursion on a private island, where we purchased several shots and a few drinks. Even my grandmother, who never drinks, partook in the fun.
  8. We all get a little buzzed, which probably explains why we thought it would be a good idea to let our extremely breakable grandmother, seen here:
  9. Attempt to climb a floating rock climbing wall, seen here:
  10. All three of us laughed hysterically as my cousin pulled her up, and I pushed her up.
    Bystanders looked on with mild amusement bordering on concern for her safety.
  11. She made it half way up, fell backwards, and slid upside down into the water.
  12. We were contemplating how we would tell our mothers and uncle that we allowed our grandmother—who had broken her femur six months earlier—to die by floating water toy.
  13. To our—and all the people on the beach's—great relief, she came up a second later, laughing and announcing she was okay.
  14. We left the island, and made our way to the next excursion, which was zip lining.
    Grandmother sat this one out.
  15. While we waited for our guide to meet us, my cousin talked me into running into a nearby bar for shots.
    We went one at a time, so that we wouldn't miss the guide. I went first and got an $8 shot of Jack Daniels. When we got back, my cousin decided he didn't want one after all.
  16. At the zip lining place, I deliberately ignored the box asking if I had taken any drugs or drank anything that would affect my decision making while signing the Release of Liability form.
  17. Conveniently, the zip line landed on the roof of a bar, so naturally we had to get drinks.
    I got a 32oz Strawberry Daiquiri because it came in a cheep souvenir cup.
  18. This turned out to be a bad decision, as we had to get to the ship immediately because it was about to depart, and I couldn't take alcohol on board.
    So, I drank the entire 32oz on the walk back to the ship, which took about five minutes.
  19. The walk to our room was rather difficult, as I was having difficulty walking and thinking at the same time. Also, I wasn't walking very well while not thinking, either.
  20. After what felt like eternity, we finally made it to the room and I collapsed on the bed.
  21. At one point, I decided I needed to pee. I stood up, tried to make it the bathroom, and then gave up 2 seconds later and collapsed on my grandmother's bed.
  22. I used some of my 100 texts to drunk text my friend.
    I don't remember what I said, but I think I can safely assume it didn't make much sense.
  23. After realizing I had eaten very little, I decided to order room service. Despite having left port, and the fact that the ocean was rough, I made it to the phone and ordered toast.
    Like, a lot of toast. Around 10 slices.
  24. I ate about 1/3 of the toast, collapsed back onto the bed and fell asleep.