The Gods Are Dicks

  1. Poseidon
    Disguised himself as someone else and tricked a woman into sex, had sex with his granddaughter, raped another woman, who he later granted her wish to be a man so she couldn't be raped again, raped Demeter while both where in horse form, possibly raped Medusa, made a woman fall in love with a bull to the point of her hiding in a fake bull and having sex with it, later to give birth to the Minotaur.
  2. Zeus
    Had sex with many women while disguised as husbands, gold showers, and animals. He also disguised himself as Artemis and slept with Callisto. Also, his sexual adventures often place his partners in danger, as his wife (who is also his sister), Hera, is crazy jealous and also murderous. He ate a goddess who helped him defeat Cronus because he was told her son would overpower him. He punished Prometheus by chaining him to a mountain to be eaten by an eagle for all eternity.
  3. Hera
    Remember the snakes in Hercules that tried to kill him? Yeah, those were sent by Hera because Zeus got a mortal pregnant and Hera wanted to kill the baby. Also, remember Hercules and Megara's happy ending? That didn't happen, because Hera made Hercules go mad, and he killed Megara and their children, and then had to preform the 12 labors to pay for his sin. Forced one of Zeus' lovers to ask him to appear in his true form, and she was burned alive.
  4. Apollo
    He once flayed a satyr alive because he challenged him to a contest of music. He was in love with a nymph, who rejected his advances. She turned into a tree to avoid him. He also tricked his sister, Artemis, into killing her lover.
  5. Artemis
    A man once accidentally saw her bathing in the woods, so she turned him into a stag and had his own dogs tear him apart. Upon finding out Callisto had broken her vow of celibacy by sleeping with Zeus in Artemis' own form, she turned her into a bear and vanished her into the wild.
  6. Hades
    As far as the Gods go, he's actually not a bad guy. He kidnapped Persephone and tricked her into eating food of the underworld, making her have to live there a minimum of 3 months out of the year. He gets a bad rep because he is God of the underworld. (BTW, Zeus gave Hades Permission to abduct Persephone)
  7. Athena
    She helped mortals often, but don't let that fool you into thinking she's a saint. She blinded a man because he saw her bathing in the woods, she turned a woman into a spider for challenging her to a weaving contest. She also turned Medusa, one of her priestess that swore celibacy, into a monster after she ran to the temple to seek help from Athena, but was raped by Poseidon when Athena didn't help.
  8. Dionysus
    Drove a man's daughters to literally pull their father apart. Also caused a king to kill his wife and son, and mutilate himself with an axe. But he gave us wine, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯