The Time My Grandmother Almost Committed an Act of Terrorism on Accident
Technically, I don't think it would be terrorism, but I like it better than "the time my grandmother almost blew some stuff up on accident".
- •First things first: this is my 70 year old grandmother, Doris.I've introduced you before, in my dream vacation list. I mentioned that she would kill the most people in a post-apocalyptic world, but that isn't true. In all honestly, she would let herself be killed rather than kill someone else, even if that person were trying to kill her.
- •Her husband, my grandfather, received a decommissioned grenade from a relative of his.I believe it was from Vietnam, but I'm not sure about this.
- •So after my grandfather died a few years back, my grandmother discovered the grenade in his things.She had known about it before, but had forgotten. She put it aside to make sure it really was decommissioned:
- •A year or two later, she rediscovered it while cleaning out her garage.
- •She decided she was finally going to make sure it was decommissioned.And, not knowing how to go about that, she decided she would just take it to a nearby military base. My sister tried to explain why this was a bad idea, but she is a very stubborn woman.
- •She pulls into the base, and the soldier on duty at the security booth asks what her business is.
- •"My husband had a decommissioned grenade, and I just found it. I was hoping someone here would be able to make sure it can't explode."
- •"Okay. You don't have it with you, right?"She did.
- •The soldier makes a phone call, and tells her that she needs to leave immediately and call the Bomb Squad.He also informs her that she is lucky she is not getting detained for questioning. She is not allowed to drive through the gate to turn around, and has to back down the long driveway.
- •The bomb squad tells her that she needs to drive to an isolated location, and they will meet her there.This location, as it turns out, is a K-Mart parking lot. They have her park as far away from the store and other cars. The furthest parking spot also turns out to be very near to a busy intersection.
- •Bomb Squad shows up, and learn that the grenade is not only not decommissioned, but that the pin is half way out.It had been on the backseat as she was driving, rolling around.
- •The grenade is confiscated, and taken to a controlled area to have it destroyed.
- •And that's the story about how she almost blew up herself, a military base, and a K-Mart.Moral of the story: make sure any grenades you might have are not live, research the proper way to go about that, listen to people when they tell you that your thinking might be wrong, and never, ever, under any circumstances, try to take a weapon onto a military base.