I'M BASICALLY A REAL ATHLETE NOW

  1. "Blew out" my knee last night
  2. In the most bad-ass way possible
  3. Was in the pool with high schoolers
  4. And we started playing Marco Polo
  5. I am highly competitive.
  6. And Marco Polo has always been My pool game. I am excellent at it.
  7. We'd been playing for awhile.
  8. And my buddy is also competitive.
  9. One time I was attempting a fish out of water move, he alerted the kid who was It.
  10. I was not pleased.
  11. So a few turns later, I am fish out of water-ing it again when my buddy looks at me and starts mouthing like he's gonna call me out again.
  12. Competitive nature kicks in.
  13. I run and jump over the diving board to the hidden step behind the gazebo at the corner of the pool.
  14. And as I'm jumping down into that step in the water, I slightly slip.
  15. And my knee smacks down into the brick
  16. And I fall onto the step in the water.
  17. And manage to not drop all the cussbombs.
  18. (Did I mention this was a church youth group party?)
  19. And sit on the step and lift my leg out of the water and discover it's already swelling and cut and bruising.
  20. And hurts like a motherFer.
  21. I, of course, still attempt to play.
  22. It hurt real bad but still manage to swim stealthily underwater.
  23. Then during our Noodle Warfare round, one of the kids throw a kick board at the other kid instead of a noodle and smacked him in the face.
  24. And that finally brought an end to Extreme Marco Polo: Noodle Warfare
    Coming soon to a gaming system near you.
  25. So I limped out of the pool, knee bleeding, to properly assess the damage.
  26. Today I'm grateful I don't have stairs at my house.
  27. Because this still hurts like a motherFer.
  28. So I'm icing my knee, like a real athlete.
  29. Boom.