THINGS TO CONTEMPLATE WHILE POOPING (A LIST FOR MY HUSBAND)

  1. Gosh, did I do the dishes? I would hate for all that angry clanking to be my lovely wife doing the dishes
  2. I better try that monument valley board one more time. I killed it the last time I pooped but I should just check and see if I can remember how to solve the challenge.
  3. Nope. Can't remember, this is going to be loooong poop. Fist punp
  4. That baby crying is interrupting my concentration. How is a man expected to poop for 2 hours with all this noise?
  5. It's been 30 minutes. I haven't actually pooped, just foldered all my apps on my phone. Feeling so organized