Things I hate about you, my roommate

I can't wait to never see you again in two months
  1. You stomp around SO LOUDLY
  2. You make a big deal about keeping shit clean but HAVE NEVER CLEANED OUR BATHROOM
  3. You and your boyfriend broke up 2 months ago but I STILL HEAR YOU YELLING AT HIM ON THE PHONE
  4. You want everyone to smoke weed with you EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T LIKE WEED
  5. You call me "Mija" but you DON'T EVEN SPEAK FLUENT SPANISH
  6. You complain about everyone else we live with but ARE THE WORST ROOMMATE EVER
  7. You always try to be friends with me but ONLY EVER TALK ABOUT YOURSELF
  8. Everything you say is a humble brag but IT'S ALL UNTRUE
  9. You cook for 10 and eat for 3 and ALWAYS LEAVE DISHES IN THE REFRIGERATOR
  10. You make a big deal about keeping shared space organized but LEAVE YOUR STUFF FUCKING EVERYWHERE