A TIMELINE OF MY RIGOROUS STUDY REGIME FOR MY GREEK ART MIDTERM ON MONDAY

415 objects of ancient art to memorize. A roller coaster of emotion.
  1. Friday, 11:30
    I finished making the flashcards that should have been done two weeks ago! I deserve a treat, and that treat will be going to a fancy yoga place on the UWS.
  2. Friday, 4:30
    I am in yoga class, and Greek art does not exist.
  3. Friday, 5:30
    I finished a yoga class with a white male instructor! He banged a gong at the end so during savasana all I could think about was the oriental implications of that. I deserve a bagel.
  4. Friday, 6:15
    I just spent two hours walking to and doing yoga. The bagel made me tired, and technically I Did a Sport, so I deserve a nap.
  5. Friday, 8:00
    My nap turned into a two-hour binge watch of old Bob's Burgers episode. I have seen them all, at least twice. Maybe I should actually start studying now.
  6. Friday, 11:45
    It's almost midnight and I studied some. Cool. Cool cool cool. I can go to bed.
  7. Saturday, 10:30
    I forgot that my professor scheduled a visit to the Met. It's the weekend before the exam! Who does that? I seethe all the way across the park.
  8. Saturday, 12:30
    This will never end. I shall die here, in front of Polykleitos's Diadumenos in the atrium of the Greek wing of the Metropolitan Museum. I will die as I lived: slowly festering a deep resentment of the art historical discipline.
  9. Saturday, 12:45
    I did not eat breakfast. What are the chances I can sneak out, eat a hotdog on the steps of the Met, and sneak back in without my professor noticing?
  10. Saturday, 1:00
    While my professor is talking I use my Millenial Skills to google the closest bagel place to the Met while still pretending to listen to him. I deserve a bagel.
  11. Saturday, 1:30
    SWEET, SWEET AIR! I've never been so happy to be on 5th avenue again. I book it to Madison, find a bagel, and eat it before the M86 even gets there.
  12. Saturday, 2:30
    It is time to get down to fucking business. Greek art will be my bitch.
  13. Saturday, 8:30
    I hang up twinkle lights in the kitchen where I'm studying to remind myself that there is still good in this world.
  14. Sunday, 2:00am
    Why am I still in the kitchen studying? Why does my butt hurt so much? Why do I still not know anything about Greek art?
  15. Sunday, noon
    ...why did I sleep so late?
  16. Sunday, 2:30
    Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
  17. Sunday 4:00
    I discover a cyst on my inner thigh, and Greek art suddenly sounds so trivial.
  18. Sunday, 4:05
    It is cancer and I am going to die in the next 30 days. Should I text my ex boyfriend?
  19. Sunday, 4:10
    It's just a cyst and I really need to study for this exam.
  20. Sunday, 9:00
    I'm done. I'm not studying for this anymore.
  21. Sunday, 9:02
    I tweet that I am done and not studying for this anymore.
  22. Sunday 9:05
    I go back to studying once I realize I can't remember who Praxiteles was.