STEPS TO CAPTURE THE PERFECT INSTAGRAM PHOTO OF COFFEE DRINKING

Dear @xbyh20 - I expect an amazing photo of coffee soon from you. Everyone else- Listen up.
  1. Believe in what you're taking
    Corny. I know. Trust me I wrote the book on critically judging someone. But seriously you have to believe that beauty comes from composition. At some point in your life you have to connect the fact that you as a human are capable of creating beauty from the weirdest, dumbest things. If you believe you'll make a good picture, you will.
  2. Find a pretentious coffee shop
    Did that latte cost you 2.50? Nope keep trying. Did that latte cost you 5.50? There you go getting closer. Is that a heart I see poured on your drink? That's it, that's the stuff.
  3. Don't give a F
    You're going to take 10s if not 100s of photos of coffee. So be ok with the fact that you're taking photos of your coffee. And that people will judge. But whatever - those 70+ likes are gonna be worth it.
  4. Find light. Like really great light
    If it's night time- don't even think about it. If it's super bright out - keep it near the window. If it's a gray day - GO WILD. Grab that coffee go near the window and starting taking photos of your deep wonderful cup of eternal happiness.
  5. Get rid of all the crap.
    Lose the napkin, straw stirrer, kid, and anything that is frivolous. Get rid of all that shit and ask all your pretensions coffee neighbors for their pretentious looking magazines. Add those in. And while you're at it, stat thinking about some hipster lyric you want to add.
  6. Find the easiest background
    Something simple. A chair, floor tile, or wall. Don't distract the viewer with too much in the background. You only get three seconds on these photos so engage them with one simple thing. They'll thank you later.
  7. Then shoot to win.
    Be like you're from Texas and lock and load. Point that camera at your coffee and just start taking photos. Different angles. Different heights, get on your chair and take a couple too. The name of the game is to get Instagram gold. Don't be a loser by not taking enough photos. Shoot to mother Effie win.
  8. Extra credit: tag all your shit with superfluous hashtags. You know even the ridiculous ones.