Things You Shouldn't Eat On The New York City Subway

Some things just don't work on the subway
  1. Salads
    Especially if they require assembly. You have two hands, where are you planning on putting that separate dressing packet, walnuts, and blue cheese crumble while opening a plastic fork packet AND the salad bowl itself?
  2. Indian Food
    I love me some tikka masala. I do not love the entire subway car smelling like it.
  3. BBQ Ribs
    Why? Why dude? WHY!? How is this even enjoyable for you on a subway? Plus, unless you bring enough for everyone this is freaking selfish.
  4. Soup
    This isn't a high speed Euro train. Don't expect a smooth ride. I once got a concussion when the Q train took a violent turn. You spill that hot soup anywhere near me and you will unleash the Kraken.
  5. Spaghetti
    Go home man. Sit down, talk to your wife, kiss your kids, and eat your spaghetti family style like a real family man. And keep the spaghetti sauce away from me and my new trench coat as I head home to my own meal.