Shit My Daddy Said

My Daddy was seriously one of the best men I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. He left us too soon in December 2013, but I'll always have some fantastic memories of him. Including some of these gems he frequently said.
  1. Before we get started...
    Here's me and my Daddy. He always wore tall socks. Oh and jorts during the summer. I know you think he's awesome already.
  2. I'm gonna have a goddamned chinese come apart.
    In response to me oversleeping the morning we were leaving Sebring after a race weekend. We now call it a GDCCA in mixed company.
  3. You are like a bull in a china shop.
    In response to my general way of life. I drop things. I run in to things. I make a lot of noise in general if I'm not trying to be quiet.
  4. Don't tell your mother about this.
    In response to 90% of things I did and 100% of money spent for racing.
  5. Quit saying that shit around your mother.
    In response to the f-word. Usually.
  6. That didn't hurt me a bit.
    In response to anything I did to make myself bleed or bruise.
  7. I suffer from noassatall.
    In response to the fact that he had no ass at all. And of note, this made me fell super weird when checking to confirm it was true.
  8. Real or fake.
    In response to a game we would play while people watching to determine if a lady's boobs were real or fake. For those of you who know me personally, you understand why I'm an authority on this subject. And well, all men are connoisseurs of boobs.
  9. The front yard is not a race track.
    In response to how I'd mow the backyard. I needed to keep things interesting in high school, so I mowed a new course each week.
  10. Have fun.
    The last thing he always told me before I went on track.