Dumb Questions People Ask ME When They Learn I'm From Indiana
I wish I was making this up
- •Have you been to Pawnee?This is the adult equivalent of telling a child the truth about Santa. I've crushed so many hopes and dreams by telling the truth - Pawnee isn't a real town. (But my friend is the town water manager for Bloomington, Indiana and it's basically Parks and Recs, but, you know, water.)
- •Do you live on a farm?No. I live in a town. With city utilities and the Internet.
- •Do you have a tractor?No. I don't live on a farm.
- •What do you do for fun?The same things you do? Go to movies, ride bikes, hike, brew beer, hang with friends.
- •Do you miss Payton Manning?This is complicated. I don't anymore. Hello, we got Andrew Luck out of the deal. It would be like wrecking your Ferrari and replacing it with a Maserati. So yeah, I was a little sad at first but you get over it. Now I want the Colts to crush Manning every chance they get.
- •How hot can cocktail sauce really be? Is this a joke?Heh. Go on and take a big bite, I'll wait. St. Elmo's Steakhouse is built on rivers of tears and shrimp tails.