Dumb Questions People Ask ME When They Learn I'm From Indiana

I wish I was making this up
  1. Have you been to Pawnee?
    This is the adult equivalent of telling a child the truth about Santa. I've crushed so many hopes and dreams by telling the truth - Pawnee isn't a real town. (But my friend is the town water manager for Bloomington, Indiana and it's basically Parks and Recs, but, you know, water.)
  2. Do you live on a farm?
    No. I live in a town. With city utilities and the Internet.
  3. Do you have a tractor?
    No. I don't live on a farm.
  4. What do you do for fun?
    The same things you do? Go to movies, ride bikes, hike, brew beer, hang with friends.
  5. Do you miss Payton Manning?
    This is complicated. I don't anymore. Hello, we got Andrew Luck out of the deal. It would be like wrecking your Ferrari and replacing it with a Maserati. So yeah, I was a little sad at first but you get over it. Now I want the Colts to crush Manning every chance they get.
  6. How hot can cocktail sauce really be? Is this a joke?
    Heh. Go on and take a big bite, I'll wait. St. Elmo's Steakhouse is built on rivers of tears and shrimp tails.