Ways I Fail at Adulting

  1. Bed-making
    I used two top sheets instead of one fitted/one flat until I moved in with my husband. He's an Amazing adult and therefore can make a bed like Martha.
  2. While we're on the subject- sheet folding
    I read the cute Martha Stewart 'Look how easy this is!' article...tried it, failed, and promptly went back to the sort of 'whipping in a circle then smush flat' method I'm a pro at.
  3. Light bulbs
    This should be easy...but everything is so High...another hubby perk- he's 6'4" and no light bulbs will defeat him!
  4. Oven cleaning
    This should be a no-brainer. They're self-cleaning ovens, what could possibly go wrong? Other than the copious amounts of black smoke ( usually due to turkey glaze drippings from the holidays) and the bleating smoke alarm.
  5. Making items in the microwave that really are only meant to be cooked in the oven or on a stovetop
    Who doesn't love soggy taquitos?
  6. The ability to pull a garment out of the closet without knocking three others off of their hangers
    Every. Damn. Time.
  7. Related: pulling an item from a stack of folded clothes without causing all the others to become unfolded
    Sorry, clothing stores, truly I am- no matter how slowly or carefully I try, this house of cards is coming Down.
  8. Getting anything from my purse while driving
    I don't mean 'look away from the road' things, more like 'grab my Chapstick from the outer pocket that has nothing else in it so this shouldn't be an issue' attempts.
  9. Small talk
    Deep talk, sure, but I only have so many trite pleasantries in me. After that, I start feeling the need to be creative when really I should just bail.