First-day-on-the-job

Things people have said to me on my first day at work
  1. Sooooo.... what did they say you'd be doing here...?
    you know you'll have to "meet people" and "do interviews". maybe "go out" sometimes.... to "conferences".
  2. NO, i didn't walk into a door! my blery husband beats me!
    from a black-eye sporting colleague
  3. There's free espresso on the fifth floor....
    ....and the guy behind the machine can be your friend in weed.