LIKELY WAYS I WILL ACTUALLY DIE

Yes, I know I'm a hypochondriac. But here I tried to get realistic and determine the most likely causes of my death.
  1. Actually dying of appendicitis because no one believes I had it for real this time
  2. Sacrificed by a cult who assumed I was a virginal maiden
    Fair
  3. Beaten to death after calling the wrong man "Daddy" out of habit
    This started out as a joke and is quickly spiraling out of my control
  4. Bleeding out because I'm too squeamish to look at or treat a minor wound
  5. Brain decay due to inhaling too many cologne samples at the mall
    What can ya do?
  6. Mauled by a dog I wouldn't leave alone
    Also fair
  7. Melted by my space heater as I slumber and gently shuffle off this mortal coil
    Really my ideal way to go