THINGS I NEED TO ATONE FOR

  1. I fed my aunt's dog a brownie crumb when I was 7 and I thought I murdered it
    She was fine but I never said anything and I think that says a lot about my character
  2. I own three denim jackets and two denim shirts and almost bought another one today
  3. I talk way too much about my a cappella group
  4. I have a Gap credit card
  5. I brag a lot about my AP scores
  6. I delete tweets when they don't catch on
  7. I flirt with literally everyone even though I have a boyfriend
    Thankfully the universe blessed me with a man who could not give two fucks
  8. I exploit my homosexuality for humor
    I'm not actually funny I'm just gay
  9. Once I told someone a shirt from Target was from J-Crew
  10. I'm writing this list in a Forever 21 and almost just bought another, separate denim jacket
  11. I've been a vegetarian for over 8 years but for the past two weeks I've been secretly eating Filet-o-Fish sandwiches from McDonald's by myself
  12. I think this Forever 21 guy thinks I'm shoplifting