TIMES I TRULY THOUGHT I WAS DYING

I'm a firm believer that the world is constantly trying to kill me. Here are a few ways I have succeeded in thwarting death (for now).
  1. The 7 times I survived appendicitis
    At this point I'm really the Boy Who Cried Appendicitis
  2. An unfortunate mix-up with a Dove microbead and my urethra
    I would rather not go into this right now
  3. Literally ever morning after I shower because the steam sets off the smoke detector
  4. Once a plane I was in kind of shook a little
  5. Carbon monoxide poisoning with my roommates @katemccarthy and @meg1
    We had actually all been accidentally maced by one of the previously mentioned women (her privacy will be respected at this time). Turns out pepper spray ain't no joke
  6. Recently I bled after a particularly tricky bowel movement and I actually haven't been firmly convinced that I didn't die
  7. Any time a firetruck or ambulance comes within a five-mile radius of my house
    Surely because I left an iron on
  8. My in-car driving sessions, which were my first time I had ever been behind the wheel
  9. Every time I'm in a car traveling at over 35 miles per hour
  10. Really any time I experience any kind of discomfort