HOW NOT TO FALL ASLEEP

  1. 1.
    Decide you're tired and get in bed.
  2. 2.
    Don't forget to check your phone for text, emails, FB updates, political news, YouTube videos...
  3. 3.
    Now that you're on YouTube proceed to watch every new video by that one YouTuber you love. Then where you see suggested videos click one of them. Continue this for 5 hours.
  4. 4.
    Now that you've pried your phone out of your hand get up and go pee.
    Also, you might want to put your retainer in.
  5. 5.
    Finally, lie back in bed and contemplate the universe.
    What is the meaning of life? Do all dogs go to heaven? Did I leave the oven on? What was that noise?!