DRAFTS THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY

  1. MY BEST FRIEND'S FAMILY IS BETTER THAN MINE, HERE'S WHY:
  2. PEOPLE I'D TAKE SELFIES WITH AND THE CORRESPONDING INSTAGRAM FILTERS I'D USE
  3. COUSINS RANKED BY HOW COOL THEY THINK THEY ARE
  4. ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS ANECDOTES I WILL INCLUDE IN MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY
  5. REAL HOUSEWIVES IF UPSTATE NEW YORK
  6. THE BERNARD PIVOT QUESTIONNAIRE, ANSWERED AS ME IN MIDDLE SCHOOL