MODERN GIFTS I WOULD GIVE TO HISTORICAL FIGURES
- •Henry VIII: Porn, deep fryer.This seems obvious?
- •Catherine of Aragon: Taylor Swift's discography.You're obviously better off without him. Let's get you through this break up.
- •Marie Antoinette: Atkins Diet book.Let's put a positive spin on this bread shortage, girl! "Guys, you obviously shouldn't even want to eat cake..."
- •All the Founding Fathers: Condoms.Nobody wants your syphilis or your illegitimate children.
- •Abraham Lincoln: All the Harry Potter books.Cancel your theater plans tonight, sir. You are not going to want to leave the house until you've finished.