A helpful list check list when meeting new people.
  1. Always Smile
    Unless you don't have any teeth. Get some teeth. Then you can smile.
  2. Don't Mention Your Bellybutton
    Some people don't have one so this could seem rude.
  3. The Perfect Hand Shake
    A lot can be learned from a hand shake. You could be too firm and seem aggressive. You could be too weak and be mistaken for a fish. If instead of shaking their hand you lean down and whisper your darkest secret into their palm, they won't know what to think! Maybe try that next time?
  4. Eye Contact
    Maintain eye contact. Even when they're done talking to you and they've moved on to other people. Keep staring. They'll think you're super confident. Don't stop staring. Follow them home. Show up in their kitchen. Never blink.
  5. Is Their Dad Dead?
    If the person you're meeting for the first time recently lost their father it's best to avoid topics that could remind them of their recent tragedy.
  6. Did you just ask them if their dad is dead?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
    Abort! Abort! Get out of there! Why did you ask that?! Holy crap, dude. That rule is kind of an unspoken deal. You can't just go around asking people that!
  7. Run Away
    Make all first impressions short and sweet. Leave them wanting more. Or if you just ruined the mood by asking a totally inappropriate question about THEIR DEAD DAD just leave. Climb out a window if you have to. Hide in a closet until everyone leaves. You're done.