WE PROBABLY CAN'T BE FRIENDS IF

  1. you won't give 'the office' a chance.
    make it through the first season. it's awkward for everyone, hilarious for those who have watched it before.
  2. you're better at scrabble than i am.
    I'm very good. I don't handle losing well.
  3. you don't know how to properly load a dishwasher
    don't be an animal.
  4. you complain about all of the garbage in my car.
    i'm an animal.
  5. you're not willing to eat the cream part of my Oreos
    sounds like a dirty euphemism - it's not. the cookies are where it's at. the middle is gross.
  6. you're planning to vote for trump
    I don't understand? maybe if you have a convincing argument but...?
  7. you don't like music.
    this is my number one deal breaker. I believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with you if you don't like music. I truly don't even care what kind of music you listen to, just jam to something.
  8. you don't replace the toilet paper roll the CORRECT way.
    I shouldn't have to explain myself with this one.
  9. i'm being facetious.
    I'm easy-peasy & pretty much willing to be friends with anyone who can watch hours & hours of netflix while simultaneously playing games & drinking margs. that's it.