THINGS I "SO CAN'T HANDLE" BUT DEAL WITH ON A DAILY BASIS

What can I say, I'm a pacifist.
  1. Grown men who play video games.
    Your headphones are ridiculous. Also I hate having you play in the other room while I try to sleep. I'm just trying to fall asleep to my rainforest noise maker and the gun shots and explosions in the other room are giving me dreams about Narcos.
  2. Talking to people about coffee
    I GET IT WE ARE IN SEATTLE.
  3. When your earbuds get yanked out of your ears mid workout and you have to fumble around on the treadmill.
    This one is especially infuriating and even more avoidable. Every time it happens I tell myself that I'm going to get the weird active headphones that wrap around your ears, but then I see them exclusively on dads and decide against it.
  4. When someone eats the Brie but not the rind
    You are a JOKE.
  5. Girls that workout with their hair down.
    I see you and your beautiful wavy hair flowing as you run (it's always girls on the treadmill), and sure, maybe it's mostly my seething jealousy, but I will complain about how unhygienic and impractical it is for at least an hour.