Melrose Place Residents, Ranked

You have no idea how seriously I took this ranking.
  1. 1.
    Sydney Andrews
    Poor Sydney was so misunderstood. She was just lonely and wanted to be loved. She was constantly changing and trying to find herself. This was evidenced through her career journey - madam to waitress, receptionist to boutique owner. But once Syd finally found happiness, she died on the church lawn at her own wedding because life is completely meaningless.
  2. 2.
    Amanda Woodward
    Amanda knew how to rock a power suit, and she didn't take shit from anyone, but she got a bad rap. Her father was a criminal, she was sexually assaulted by a jock in high school, she married a man who abused her so she faked her death and changed her name. Then she miscarried! And her boss hung himself! Well that was kind of her fault, but still traumatic. She had cancer 😭 Amanda just needed a break.
  3. 3.
    Kimberly Shaw
    One of the greatest television characters of all time. What wouldn't she do? She tried to kill her husband, revealed 2 alternate personalities, ran a mental institution, stole Jo's baby, became a radio therapist, stalked Amanda while dressed as Michael, hired a sex worker to sleep with her husband when she found out she was dying. I wish she would've also revealed that she was immortal. It's not like it would've been that surprising considering the other plot lines.
  4. 4.
    Jake Hanson
    He had sex with all the women in the building and at least attempted to pursue relationships with each one of them. Jake was the most dependable, loyal, and responsible one of the whole group. And the most attractive.
  5. 5.
    Jo Reynolds
    Jo wore a lot of black and looked annoyed 85% of the time. But she did some pretty badass things in her time on Melrose. She busted that dirty cop who beat up civilians! She saved that model from her abusive boyfriend and a kid from an abusive mom! She ran off with Dominick the doctor, who was working with Doctors Without Borders! Ugh I still want to be Jo.
  6. 6.
    Michael Mancini
    Jerry Seinfeld was right: Michael was smug. We watched him plow through wives and scheme for 7 seasons. He was the only character to stay from the first episode all the way to the last, and he remained unchanged throughout the entire series. Like, not even one iota of change. Always a jackass, always smug. You have to love his commitment. I sure do.
  7. 7.
    Matt Fielding
    No matter how loving and kind he was with everyone, the world just shit on him constantly, and I felt for him. He got gay bashed twice while living in West Hollywood. Matt deserved better. Also, can't a hot man get some action here? The weird slow motion semi-kiss with Billy's college roommate does not count.
  8. 8.
    Rhonda Blair
    She proposed to her boyfriend, which I thoroughly appreciated. But the most independent one of the group (and the only black woman in the entire complex) abandons her single life for boring Terrence? What happened to her hip hop/mostly jazzercise class and her dancing career?!? 😕
  9. 9.
    Jane Andrews
    Jane was not just a budding fashion designer with a sweet bowl cut. A cheating husband, a rapist ex-boyfriend, a robbery at gunpoint - Jane survived it all. There was that one time she set Alison's apartment on fire, but I always assumed she was trying to erase all remnants of that ugly dress she designed for Alison's non-wedding.
  10. 10.
    Peter Burns
    So mysterious. I still feel like we barely cracked the surface of Peter. His relationship with Amanda was oddly sweet, if a little bit crazy. I had a tough time liking him when he was dating Taylor and forcing her to dress up like her dead sister. But she did drug him and injure herself to make him believe he was having rage-induced blackouts, so... Anyways, yay Peter!
  11. 11.
    Kyle McBride
    What did he do exactly? I'm not entirely sure. I just saw Rob Estes cooking and wearing a lot of shirts that showed off his muscles. I was okay with all of it.
  12. 12.
    Megan Lewis
    The token "sex worker with a heart of gold" archetype. She was just so lovely to everyone, you had to like her. I have nothing unkind to say about Megan, except that she should've ditched that satchel she was always carrying around.
  13. 13.
    Brett Cooper
    Irrelevant, but yummy.
  14. 14.
    Lexi Sterling
    Lexi did some shady things, especially to her friend Megan. That being said, I knew I loved her when she told Michael she would not marry him because she knew that she would cheat on him and wouldn't want to hurt him like that. I have mad respect for authenticity, even if it's fictional.
  15. 15.
    Alison Parker
    On the plus side, there was Drunk Alison. She was my favorite Alison. Drunk, she slurred up a storm and ripped tablecloths off of tables mid-meal like a damn magician. She listened to grunge when she was rage-drinking, and despite all of that alcohol, she survived two fires! On the negative side, there was Faking Blindness Alison. First she was blind, then she wasn't, so she kept pretending that she was to get sympathy from Billy. Who fakes that? She did, and I never forgave her for it.
  16. 16.
    Billy Campbell
    I know, I know, everyone loved Billy. Everyone except for me. No one who looks like Andrew Shue drives a fucking taxi in Los Angeles. That detail was preposterous and I'm still not over it. And he liked Nosferatu, played soccer, and wanted to become a writer? Ok the last part is almost believable, but the cab thing is absurd.
  17. 17.
    Jennifer Mancini
    A placeholder for Alison. Adorable, but a placeholder nonetheless.
  18. 18.
    Eve Cleary
    This is when Melrose went full-blown camp. Her psychotic break while cleaning a knife and humming in her cheerleader uniform was a scene that I'd really like to forget (but I can't).
  19. 19.
    Samantha Reilly
    I'm pretty sure no one cared to hear another story about her childhood in Maine.
  20. 20.
    Taylor McBride
    Moved from Boston - with her husband! - into Melrose just so she could get closer to her ex brother-in-law. As you do. And she ended up getting pregnant by Michael. Clearly she couldn't make sound decisions about her love life, or her hair.
  21. 21.
    Ryan McBride
    Looked way too much like my ex. By default, he sucked.
  22. 22.
    Craig Field
    That boyish arrogance stopped being charming after two episodes.
  23. 23.
    Sandy Harling
    Has there ever been a less interesting character on television? Answer: no.
  24. 24.
    Brooke Armstrong
    Not a single redeeming quality. I have never been so happy to see anyone fall in a pool.
  25. 25.
    Ted, the voyeuristic handyman who watched Amanda shower
    I mean, technically he was a resident. Creep.