Mostly Heteronormative Relationship Ideals Our Society Upholds That I Don't Subscribe To
Liberating some drafts from the draft graveyard
- •Playing hard to getYou're emotionally available and you like them, so why don't you just tell them that? Stop wasting time pretending you're not interested when you are.
- •Monogamy as the defaultIt's one of many ways to have a fulfilling, loving relationship, but it's not the only way. It's not even the best way, if we're being honest (and we are). If you haven't asked yourself why you value monogamy, how it serves you, and if those needs are yours, your family's, or society's ideals being placed upon you, you owe it to yourself to start now. But please, explore and do research. Being poly or open doesn't mean an avoidance of commitment or intimacy, so don't use it as an excuse.
- •The need to feel "sparks" or "fireworks" in order to proceedThat's a lot of pressure to put on a first date situation, not to mention the person. Sparks are overrated. You may have genuine feelings but the alleged sparks can cloud your judgment, closing you off from your better instincts (this is how you miss red flags!) and allowing you to get wrapped up in a romantic ideal that may not even exist.
- •Men who lose interest or respect when women sleep with them right awayFirst of all, we are not show-ponies here to perform for you in the hopes of earning your respect. You have as much agency as me. If you don't want to have sex on the first date, then don't. You can't blame your date for your own lack of self-control - that's on you, bro. Second, if we both wanted to do it, why am I the only one being punished for it? All roads lead to sexism.
- •The obscene amount of money spent affirming someone else's life choicesLet's just break this down: engagement gift, bridal shower, wedding gift, expenses to attend the wedding (if it's out of town), bridesmaid dress (if you're the bridesmaid), baby shower, birthday gifts for your kid, anniversary gifts. So, while I'm glad you found love and started a family, you get one gift. If you need further validation, I'll write you a nice card! But enough is enough. I need that money to live.
- •Lavish weddingsYou don't need to invite everyone from your pharmacist to that girl from your high school theatre class to witness your impending nuptials. I think they will be okay sitting this one out. While we're at it, let's pump the brakes on the horse-drawn carriage.
- •Waiting for him to call/text after the first date or night togetherLetting men make all the first moves is like relinquishing all of your power. I don't know about you, but I'm not willing to do that, especially when my heart is on the line. Text him and tell him you had a great time and you'd love to see him again. If he's put off by that, he's not the guy for you.
- •That people who don't want to get married are commitment-phobicSome people just want something different than the same old 1 spouse, 2.5 kids, picket fence lifestyle that we are told we should want. We have to start making more space for that. To say someone rejecting the institution of marriage is only doing so out of fear of being with one person forever is so reductive (and untrue). You can still have a very successful long-term relationship without marriage. You can also have a great relationship with yourself and be just fine too.
- •Saying that someone isn't "long-term material"God, I hate this one. My cousin's husband said it best: "I met my wife when I was fourteen and here we are. You think I gave a fuck about 'long term potential' or wondered what kind of mother she'd be? No! I just knew that I loved her and I wanted to be with her. The fact that she's a great mom is just a bonus." Don't get hung up on your expectations. You might miss out on a wonderful person while you're busy picking them apart for not fitting into your "perfect" mold.
- •Every idiot referring to themselves as a "serial monogamist"Ok let's clarify: a serial monogamist goes from a 10 yr relationship to another 8 year relationship. A person who has a new monogamous partner every six months is not a serial monogamist.