Totally Realistic Plot Lines on Melrose Place

I guarantee this will not be the last time I write a list about Melrose Place.
  1. Kimberly blows up the apartment building and all the regular cast members survive.
  2. Sydney runs off to join a cult in the desert with a wrathful Traci Lords and some guy named Martin.
  3. Alison marries Brooke's silver fox father, Hayley. He dies by jumping off a boat because that's where all men go to die on Melrose Place.
  4. Kimberly steals Jo's baby. As you do.
  5. Sydney gets sucked into a call girl ring at a Hollywood party while wearing this dress.
  6. Kimberly goes to "No More Victims" camp and receives early graduation after breaking her sergeant's arm and fighting Mackenzie Phillips.
  7. Jane and Sydney bury Jane's rapist ex boyfriend/business partner Richard after hitting him with a shovel, but he climbs out of the grave and starts stalking them.
  8. Kimberly runs a mental hospital while operating as her other personality "Betsy."
  9. Amanda's dad gets blown up. Guess where? On a boat.
  10. Kimberly starts calling in to a radio station and they just decide to offer her a job!
  11. Taylor (Peter's ex sister-in-law) finds out that Peter is in Los Angeles, so she moves her hot husband from Boston to pursue her dead sister's ex.
  12. Peter has Amanda kidnapped in an attempt to win her back, and he can't seem to figure out why she doesn't go for it.
  13. Sydney and Michael hire an actor to trigger Kimberly's PTSD flashbacks in the hopes of sending her back into a mental hospital.
  14. Reed tries to kill Jo, but she ends up killing him instead.... on a boat.
  15. Kimberly starts to spiral downwards, cutting the eyes out of Michael's photos in a candlelit hotel room.