Sprinkle These Things around Your House to Keep Me from Entering:

  1. Big dogs that slobber on my leg/lap
  2. People who say the word "Awesome!" repeatedly and too energetically
  3. Rooster kitchen decor
  4. Camo print anything
  5. Easy Mac
  6. Old Navy flip flops
  7. Cheap beer
  8. Girls wearing crop tops
  9. Cinnamon candles
  10. Fake potted plants
  11. Really anything called "casserole."
  12. Ford Flex cars
  13. Over-opinionated people who have opinions on things that don't actually know anything about.
  14. Mustard colored sweaters
  15. Black and white converse
  16. People who read their Facebook timelines aloud even though we don't know (or care about) their friends.
  17. Kevin Durant, now that he plays for the Warriors.