YOUR OFFICIAL GUIDE TO BOOKS BY THE REAL HOUSEWIVES

You're welcome.
  1. "What Remains" by Carole Radziwill [RHONY]
    Radziwill was actually an award-winning journalist before she was a housewife. I know, right? Therefore, I've put this at the top of the list for those of you who enjoy "real literature." (Also by Radziwill: "The Widow's Guide to Sex & Dating," a novel)
  2. "Leggy Blonde" by Aviva Drescher [RHONY]
    Why the title, you ask? Well, apparently, Aviva lost one of her legs in a farm accident as a child. Was this a pun well done? You be the judge.
  3. "The Naked Truth: the Real Story Behind the Real Housewife of New Jersey in Her Own Words" by Danielle Staub [RHONJ]
    A good-old-fashioned-mafia-connected tell-all. But apparently she didn't really tell all the first time, because as of a few months ago, she is writing another "tell all." Will she really ever tell all? The world may never know.
  4. "Life is Not a Reality Show: Keeping it Real With the Housewife Who Does it All" by Kyle Richards [RHOBH]
    YASSSS TELL ME WHAT'S UP!! LAY ON THAT COUNTER!! SPILL THAT TRUTH TEA! SERVE ME THAT LOOK!!!
  5. "I Can Make You Hot: The Supermodel Diet" by Kelly Bensimon [RHONY]
    Kelly is like my least fav housewife, so I'll just let you read this review from Amazon user Cali~Cyber~Book's : "I’ve never watched any of the 'House Wives' so I had no idea who the author was when I purchased this book. I actually found this book at the Dollar Store so I grabbed it because it was so cheap [...] If you can get the book cheap then it’s worth it but if you have to pay full price I’d pass."
  6. "Hiding From Reality: My Story of Love, Loss, and Finding the Courage Within" by Taylor Armstrong [RHOBH]
    This book was a HUGE source of drama in early seasons of RHOBH. Tay was criticized for signing on to write this book too soon after her husband's tragic suicide, but she argued that she needed the money. Who knows? This is certainly one of the most tragic/drama-filled books in RH history.
  7. "More Than a Housewife" by Vicki Gunvalson and Jeff Scott [RHOOC]
    WINNER OF COVER WITH BEST-PLACED CITRUS
  8. "Love Italian Style: the Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage" by Melissa Gorga [RHONJ]
    Please please PLEASE have a chapter titled "That's a SPICY meatball(s)"
  9. "Little Kids, Big City: Tales From a Real House in New York City (With Lessons in Life and Love for a Your Own Concrete Jungle)" by Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen [RHONY]
    Okay, Alex, we get it!!! You can come up with the longest book title in history! You went to northwestern! You're better than all of us! WE. GET. IT. This book is probably filled with tips on how to study Faulkner with your five year old, or how to guarantee your kid's gerbil is bilingual. This belongs in the trash.
  10. "Fabulicious! Teresa's Italian Family Cookbook" by Teresa Giudice [RHONJ]
    I'm glad she at least put in the effort to make us think these recipes are actually from her family. Now that's a spicy meatball!
  11. "Inbox Full" by Catherine Ashley [RHODC]
    Wins the award for seemingly least interesting. Apparently it has a sequel, though. Read it if you like chess, iceberg lettuce, or other painfully boring things.
  12. "Class With the Countess: How to Live With Elegance and Flair" by Countess LuAnn de Lesseps [RHONY]
    Okay, but when I think "countess" I think Maggie Smith in front of the Hearst Castle— not this awko pic of you staring blankly at the camera like a blind toddler.
  13. "Drinking & Tweeting" and "Drinking & Dating" by Brandi Glanville [RHOBH]
    The ULTIMATE trashy, tell-all, drama-filled housewife book(s). THIS IS WHAT WE'RE REALLY HERE FOR, PEOPLE.
  14. "Simply Divine: A Guide to Easy, Elegant, and Affordable Entertaining" by Lisa Vanderpump [RHOBH]
    "Affordable" for LV = super bowl party budg of $10,000 instead of $15,000
  15. "Never Make the Same Mistake Twice" by Nene Leaks [RHOA]
    THE LOOK ON HER FACE IS ICONIC. I.C.O.N.I.C. I would expect nothing less from (probably) the most famous housewife in franchise history. Where is this book's Pulitzer?
  16. "Let Me Tell You Something" by Caroline Manzo [RHONJ]
    Another one from New Jersey? I'm all outta meatball jokes sry
  17. "Secrets of a Jewish Mother" by Jill Zarin [RHONY]
    I apologize, Jill, but I failed to find your Wikipedia page, so I know nothing about your book. However, I know from religiously watching RHONY that you are good at tennis. Neat!
  18. "I Suck at Relationships so You Don't Have To" by Bethenny Frankel [RHONY]
    ALL HAIL QUEEN BETHENNY!!! She is my favorite housewife of all time, go ahead and try to fight me on this! Anyway, her book cover is adorable, plus she's genuinely funny and entertaining. I only know that from watching the show, of course. I would never read any of these books. Who reads anymore?!?