Things My Dad Says

he's wrong, he's so wrong. he told me to use this on my comedy show and say it's "someone I know."
  1. "On the Line"
    Okay this one I actually blame that movie "The Internship" when Vince Vaughn says this constantly referring to the internet. My dad thought that movie was hilarious and now says this everytime he goes online. It's awful.
  2. "You Up?"
    I'm in LA and my dad is on the East Coast so he asks me this a lot in the morning. I've told him several times what this means nowadays and he gives no shits. He wants to know if I'm awake and he doesn't have time to write "Are" or "R."
  3. "Are you going to a night shooting?"
    I work in TV and when we have a "night shoot" it sounds like my dad is asking me if I'm going to watch some people get shot.
  4. "Chicken Popcorn"
    One time when I was younger we went to KFC and he ordered chicken popcorn and the woman at the drive through started yelling "we are being bombarded on all sides. We have no chicken popcorn!" To this day he will not call it popcorn chicken.
  5. "Just Call Me!"
    He excitedly refers to this line as the title of his first single that will be dropping soon. And then he says it 10 times in a row to drive it home.
  6. "Is that Leeton Foster?"
    My dad doesn't know the difference between Leighton Meester and Sutton Foster. He LOVES Leighton Meester because he saw Country Strong and fell head over heals in love with her. But my family talks about Sutton Foster a lot, obviously, doesn't everyone? So he gets them mixed up a lot and always asks if we're talking about Leighton Meester even though he can't remember her name.
  7. "But I Knew Who Lucas Was Calling!"
    My dad watched one tree hill with my sister and I while we were in high school and got very invested in the show. At the end of seasons we would make bets on the cliffhangers and then my sister and I would go to overnight camp and we would all wait patiently all summer and when we got back we would cash in. Well one season, I believe it was 5, ended with Chad Michael Murray calling someone and we didnt know who and my dad was right so we owed him $5. He says this when he thinks he's right.
  8. "What?"
    My dad can't hear shit and refuses to get hearing aids so he basically screams at people because he can't hear himself and he also makes me repeat everything I say three times.
  9. I love ya pops. But I wish you didn't think Vince Vaughn was that funny.