Grocery Shopping Re-Education
  1. The grocery store is a full contact sport.
  2. It is okay to let an elderly person push you at the grocery store
  3. It is okay to push elderly people in order to reach the milk.
  4. Avoid eye contact. Eye contact makes any and all movements personal. This is just business.
  5. Two Separate Check-Outs=Crazy talk.
  6. The produce you need for the weekend...its already bad, do not buy it.
  7. The milk in the front goes bad tomorrow and is not worth pushing people for.
  8. "Sell-By" means "Spoils one day before what we thought it would".
  9. Mexican food is South African.
  10. It's not Wal-Mart, all check out lanes are open. Do not settle for the longest one.
  11. Asian Food is South African. Go to an ethnic grocer.
  12. Creamy ice cream is icy.
  13. This Pork Sausage is Halal and Kosher, therefore it is.
  14. Yes that man does know you have a car full of groceries to load and three children to buckle in before they are run over. And yes he is going to impatiently wait for your mediocre parking spot. Yes you will feel awkward and get honked at. Remember do not make eye contact. Hands will be thrown in the air. Untranslatable explicits will be spoken.