A letter from non-Saint Ted to the Keurig
- •Coffee is patient, coffee is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not decaffeinated.
- •It does not dishonor others, unless those others are tea, in which case it's like "Come at me, dog."
- •Coffee does not delight in grounds but rejoices with refills.
- •It always brews, always gets cold, always heats back up, always keeps you regular.