1. "Will you be saving 5% today with your Target Red card?"
    I prefer not to apply for lines of credit within 10 feet of $5 DVDs. Ooh, National Treasure 2.
  2. "Wasn't working at ESPN awesome?"
    Never visit the sausage factory, dawg.
  3. "Isn't The Big Bang Theory so overrated?"
    Stop lying to yourself.
  4. "You're Italian—don't you hate the Olive Garden?"
    Not as much as I hate you right now.
  5. "Do you want me to stop playing Jason Derulo's Get Ugly?"
    I can't, I can't even lie, I'm about to be that guy who asks you to put this song on repeat.
  6. "Did you get enough money when you sold your book to quit your job?"
  7. "What about when the publisher turned it into a calendar?"
  8. "Okay, but you at least got to, like, take a nice vacation or something, right?"
    Giphy downsized medium
  9. "You're voting for Trump, right?"
    Suggested by @kate81
  10. Isn't it fun when your motherinlaw talks to you in a way that makes you feel like a 10 year old little kid?
    Suggested by @k8zinker