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  1. 1.
    Freaking ginger snaps..
    "lets make a cookie out of these gross roots I found" Okay dummy.
  1. "Candie" the Immortal Terrier
    After 'rescuing' Candie from the pound, my parents discovered she was narcoleptic, epileptic, asthmatic and blind. Episodes would occur in this order: crawl under my ninja turtle bed// wait in secret until I fall asleep// hack hairball until asthma attack comes on// proceed to simultaneously seizure and vomit// fall asleep in said vomit// never die// for SEVENTEEN YEARS
  2. "Duckie" the Teenage Duck
    When one of the ducklings from the creek behind our house got stuck in our pool, my parents again let us 'rescue' it. That summer I saw terrifying duck genitalia, wreaked of Duckie caca, and had my innocence eviscerated... The second we released Duckie back into the creek, a gaggle of bro-ducks jumped him, pecked his head clear-off and ate him right in front of my eleven year old eyeballs.
  3. "Blackie"
    My parents let 5 year old me name a dog "BLACKIE".... And then it jumped a fence and hung itself from its leash.... I am ashamed.
Warning: he inadvertently cusses
  1. Milk
    He says: "knee-oak"
  2. Lizard
    He says: "lid-odd"
  3. Helicopter
    He says: "collie-collie"
  4. 'Look for'
    He says: 'f@&! lore'
In order of awesome
  1. 1.
    Further Seems Forever
  2. 2.
    Saves The Day
  3. 3.
15 more...