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- 1.Freaking ginger snaps.."lets make a cookie out of these gross roots I found" Okay dummy.
- •"Candie" the Immortal TerrierAfter 'rescuing' Candie from the pound, my parents discovered she was narcoleptic, epileptic, asthmatic and blind. Episodes would occur in this order: crawl under my ninja turtle bed// wait in secret until I fall asleep// hack hairball until asthma attack comes on// proceed to simultaneously seizure and vomit// fall asleep in said vomit// never die// for SEVENTEEN YEARS
- •"Duckie" the Teenage DuckWhen one of the ducklings from the creek behind our house got stuck in our pool, my parents again let us 'rescue' it. That summer I saw terrifying duck genitalia, wreaked of Duckie caca, and had my innocence eviscerated... The second we released Duckie back into the creek, a gaggle of bro-ducks jumped him, pecked his head clear-off and ate him right in front of my eleven year old eyeballs.
- •"Blackie"My parents let 5 year old me name a dog "BLACKIE".... And then it jumped a fence and hung itself from its leash.... I am ashamed.
Warning: he inadvertently cusses
In order of awesome
- 1.Further Seems Forever
- 2.Saves The Day