*spoiler* this movie will blow your mind
  1. This is Miriam Hopkins.
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    Her character's name is Gilda, inexplicably pronounced Jilda, so for the purposes of this list, we're just gonna call her Miriam.
  2. When Miriam gets on a train, the only car with seats available is not a car that has vomit or poop in it.
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    Instead, she gets artists/best friends/hotties Gary Cooper and Frederick March.
  3. Miriam takes a nap, doesn't look embarrassing, and boom BOTH Gary Cooper and Frederick March are in love with her.
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  4. How does dear Miriam handle this extraordinary situation? Guess.
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    Miriam is more of a kinesthetic decision maker.
  5. The fellas find out they've been two-timed. Do they dump Miriam? Nope. Does Miriam have to pick one man? Nope.
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  6. Instead Miriam talks everyone into a best friends with artistic benefits situation.
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    No sex, but give a gal some time.
  7. Miriam makes everybody rich and famous. And she wears dresses like this.
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  8. Miriam breaks the gentlemen's agreement, first to fuck Gary Cooper, then to fuck Frederick March.
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    Hate to be vulgar, but them's the facts. Gary and Fred are pretty chill about it, all fucks considered.
  9. When it doesn't seem like it's gonna work out, Miriam marries a rich guy.
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    Look at that veil. Miriam kills it.
  10. And when that's boring she absconds with both her faithful boy toys, who aren't even mad that she cheated on each of them with the other.
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    They presumably live happily ever after in a polyamorous paradise. Miriam probably cures cancer.
  11. In short, Miriam is a hero.
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    All hail Miriam. (Also Ernst Lubitsch. What a guy!)