The Most Significant Grocery Store Lip Balms of My Life, Ranked From Worst to Best

  1. Burt's Bee's
    Overrated. Fuck you Burt.
  2. Nivea A Kiss Of Moisture
    Aka light blue Nivea. I always buy this thinking I'm getting Nivea Essential Care, and it's always suchhhhh a disappointment.
  3. Chapstick Original
    Waxy. The worst smell.
  4. Blistex Medicated
    Unless someone informs me of some serious public health issues I haven't heard about, sunscreen in lip balm is an abomination.
  5. Lip Smackers
    Can't hate. Got the job done through middle school and is now responsible for a strong sense memory for all things artificially strawberry scented.
  6. Eos
    Also overrated. I hate all lip balms that make my mouth feel sugary. But this gets points for being a fun container to play with.
  7. Carmex
    Too sticky.
  8. Chapstick Moisturizer
    The blue Chapstick. The baseline for all good chapsticks.
  9. Nivea Essential Care
    Dark blue Nivea. A little smoother application than the blue Chapstick, but a similarly invisible feel once it's on.
  10. Blistex Medicated Lip Ointment
    My mom used to use this exclusively when I was really little. It looks like ointment, not moisturizer, so putting it on feels more legit.
  11. Blistex Daily Conditioning Treatment
    A childhood favorite that I imagine I would appreciate even more now. Good smell, good feel, good peach colored pot that reminds me of apartment complexes in the 90's.
  12. Aveeno Original
    So good. The best smelling lip balm I have ever encountered. But as of my last trip, Target has stopped selling it and it's making me nervous.
  13. Vaseline Lip Therapy
    Soft lips soooo fast. But still....
  14. Aveeno Medicated
    #1. RIP blue Aveeno. I'll never forget you.
  15. Papaw ointment
    Perfection and on Amazon
    Suggested by   @sophia