Top ways to make your restaurant suck
  1. Serve grocery store wine
    Especially at highly marked up prices. If I want Barefoot Pinot I'll drop $5 for a bottle at Kroger
  2. Serve multiple types of food
    Just specialize. In something. I don't need to weed through 12 pages. Looking at you, Cheesecake Factory
  3. Name your restaurant a person's first name
    I.e. Rodney's, Marshalls's etc. Screams crappy mom and pop place
  4. Locate your establishment in a strip mall
    I will never stumble upon your place. Unless I have multiple recommendations by friends you will go out of business in 3 months
  5. Outdoor seating with a parking lot view
    Splurge on some minimal landscaping so I'm not staring at a lot full of Honda Odysseys
  6. Crappy wall decor
    If you make your art purchases at Target please shut down
  7. Playing music straight from the radio or the free version of Spotify
    Drop an extra $5/month so I don't have to be assaulted by commercials while I'm dining
  8. Having TVs (unless you're a sports bar)
    Extra bonus points subtracted if the sound is on. Double extra bonus points subtracted if TV and radio play simultaneously.
  9. Burned out lights on your sign
    Have some pride. Change a neon lightbulb
  10. Specials that are dated
    I.e. "Summer sangria" featured in October
  11. Asking me to"like" you on facebook
    Desperate. Please stop.
  12. Paper menus that are dirty with food, etc.
    Gross. Replace. This costs 5 cents.
  13. Serve Pepsi.
    Why??? Everyone prefers Coke. I know every restaurant's soft drink choices and only go to Coke establishments. I am not alone in this.
  14. Serve my app and my dinner within 2 minutes of each other.
    Don't rush me. If I wanted an app that means I'm DINING, not shoving my face in record time
  15. Serving salads with iceberg lettuce
    If you can't splurge on real greens don't offer me salad. Iceberg lettuce has no nutritional value it is not a healthy alternative and this is the reason Americans are obese
  16. Proper glassware
    Don't give me wine in a plastic cup or a martini in a basic wine glass