3 strikes you're out—Restaurant Edition
Top ways to make your restaurant suck
- •Serve grocery store wineEspecially at highly marked up prices. If I want Barefoot Pinot I'll drop $5 for a bottle at Kroger
- •Serve multiple types of foodJust specialize. In something. I don't need to weed through 12 pages. Looking at you, Cheesecake Factory
- •Name your restaurant a person's first nameI.e. Rodney's, Marshalls's etc. Screams crappy mom and pop place
- •Locate your establishment in a strip mallI will never stumble upon your place. Unless I have multiple recommendations by friends you will go out of business in 3 months
- •Outdoor seating with a parking lot viewSplurge on some minimal landscaping so I'm not staring at a lot full of Honda Odysseys
- •Crappy wall decorIf you make your art purchases at Target please shut down
- •Playing music straight from the radio or the free version of SpotifyDrop an extra $5/month so I don't have to be assaulted by commercials while I'm dining
- •Having TVs (unless you're a sports bar)Extra bonus points subtracted if the sound is on. Double extra bonus points subtracted if TV and radio play simultaneously.
- •Burned out lights on your signHave some pride. Change a neon lightbulb
- •Specials that are datedI.e. "Summer sangria" featured in October
- •Asking me to"like" you on facebookDesperate. Please stop.
- •Paper menus that are dirty with food, etc.Gross. Replace. This costs 5 cents.
- •Serve Pepsi.Why??? Everyone prefers Coke. I know every restaurant's soft drink choices and only go to Coke establishments. I am not alone in this.
- •Serve my app and my dinner within 2 minutes of each other.Don't rush me. If I wanted an app that means I'm DINING, not shoving my face in record time
- •Serving salads with iceberg lettuceIf you can't splurge on real greens don't offer me salad. Iceberg lettuce has no nutritional value it is not a healthy alternative and this is the reason Americans are obese
- •Proper glasswareDon't give me wine in a plastic cup or a martini in a basic wine glass