What I Think The Major Arcana Tarot Cards Mean Solely Based On Looks

  1. Hercules (before he becomes swole and awesome)
    "I will find my way, I can go the distance". Probs got a long journey ahead of you but if you have a dog then it'll be alright. Just ignore those laughing at you for wearing a dress.
  2. The "Santa Brought Me A Magic Set For Christmas"
    Follow your dreams, kiddo. Even if it's something lame like magic and it isn't going anywhere and you end up a broke, alcoholic, high school drop out and you spend every day crying in the dumpster of a Burger King parking lot until you inevitably succumb to the sweet release of death.
  3. Pineapple Queen
    You really like pineapples and you're probably a lowkey freak. I mean look at the subtle reference to a blowjob.
  4. Narnian Larper
    Probs watched one too many Narnia movies. You're probs a few tacos short of a fiesta
  5. Ozymandias
    Oh you think you're all high and mighty but one you put your pants one leg at a time like the rest of us busto. One day, you'll look around at your crumbling life and you'll have no one else to blame but yourself my dude
  6. King of The Bad Fashion
    Keeps his people oppressed with bad haircuts and ugly robes. You sound like a bully. Stop.
  7. A Match Made In Heaven
    Angels like to play matchmaker and mess with people's lives. Sometimes this can be good. Sometimes they can make you fall in love with your neighbor Todd and you sneak out every night to have hot and steamy playtime while your husband is asleep and everything is great until your mosey daughter Olivia sees you and ruins your life and you flee the country in shame and spend the rest of your days selling sheep in Mother Russia. Good luck lmao
  8. Hunger Games Winner
    Yo this dude just won the Hunger Games. You're either about to win the lottery or kill 23 people mercilessly for other's entertainment
  9. Lion Wrestler
    "Hey dude get this on snap, I'm bout to wrestle this here lion. It's gonna be liiiiittt." Don't make stupid drunk decisions or you're probably gonna die soon
  10. Dumbledore
    Old cool magician dude, super wise, but instead of helping you directly he gives you fortune cookie riddles and makes you solve your own problems. Don't be this dude.
  11. Spinny Wheel Of Maybe Misfortune
    I mean, you spin this wheel and you might get a snake or you might get a cool Egyptian griffin woman with a sword. Be careful when taking chances and do all your readings so you know what you're getting into pal
  12. Joffrey
    Psychotic child with daddy issues and plenty of other issues and rightfully got what was coming to him, that little piece of garbage. Watch out for poisoned drinks or you'll end up like him too
  13. Hanging Gone Wrong
    This dude lucked out that whoever tried to hang him probably has an IQ smaller than their shoe size. Now he'll probably just hang there until all the blood rushes to his head and he gets really dizzy. You're probs gonna find yourself in a weird situation soon, and although you'll come out with a few scratches, you'll probably be fine
  14. The Grim Knight Man