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i'm bisexual as hell and straight people seem to think that you only come out once but that's not true !
  1. tumblr
    this was the first place i ever came out. i was met with a lot of support and i loved it.
  2. my tv room
    i told my mom i was gay after i called something "cirque de so gay" and she immediately said "don't you have a thing about getting hair in your mouth?" i was disgusted
  3. facebook
    my grandmother commented like three times that she loved me and was proud of me. it was wonderful. too bad i never see her bc she lives in louisiana and i refuse to go there
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emma sent this to me
  1. do you prefer writing in black or blue pen
    black '
  2. would you prefer to live in the country or the city
    country?? idk somewhere in the middle??
  3. if you could learn a new skill what would it be
    calligraphy sounds cool. or managing money
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it's not my baby i just work here
  1. the song the animatronics sing to donkey and shrek when they enter duloc does anyone know what i'm talking about
    "welcome to duloc such a perfect town here we have some rules let us lay them down" etc ??? and then they have the one line where they almost say "wipe your ass" but change "ass" to "face" and that was comedy gold? brilliant
  2. a random robin hood song i heard on a disney playlist that spotify recommended to me
    "robin hood and little john walking through the forest laughin back and forth at what the other has to say" it's called oo de lally and i'd be lying if i said i didn't jam to this on the way home
  3. the yoda rockin and rollin song
    "rockin, rockin and rolling / down to the beach i'm strollin / but the seagulls poking my head / Not Fun" etc you know that one? why do i sing that to an infant
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these are some strange victories but i celebrate them anyway
  1. i eat food over a sleeping baby sometimes (it's not mine) and i hardly ever spill it on her
    i mean one time there was a pineapple juice catastrophe but that hardly counts bc it was mostly on her butt and only got on her clothes
  2. i threw up on my way to work this morning while driving 60mph and didn't get any of it on myself or my car
    i heaved the first time and was able to open my car door bc i was at a red light and i quickly grabbed a towel i had in my car and threw up in that, about six times. i didn't even swerve. i am very good at throwing up and very good at driving
  3. i posed as someone else at the county show and showed their pig instead of mine
    i got away with it. i got a participation ribbon. it was exhilarating.
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a lot of this is from my mom. a lot of this i didn't think was true until after i did the stupid thing.
  1. hope is not a strategy
    this wasn't directly given to me but i did read it somewhere and it did really resonate with me
  2. "you are not invincible, lara."
    my mom has been saying this to me since my freshman year in high school. seven years later, i still only half believe her
  3. "it's called a break up because something is broken."
    another lovely piece from my mom when i wouldn't just end things with my high school boyfriend. i remember exactly when she said it to me. i didn't listen to her in that moment, and ended up staying with him for another year and a half, but afterwards i realized she was right
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i love to be (hell)thy a lot and thought i would share some advice bc a lot of people don't know where to start
  1. 1.
    get a bowl and put it in the fridge
    you will use this later!
  2. 2.
    freeze five pounds of broccoli
  3. 3.
    season it with six pinches of salt and "so many" of paprika
    "so many" is whatever you prefer recipes are for chumps follow the beat of your own drum u sheeple
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i'm going to begin to take part in the minimalist lifestyle movement and here are the reasons why and maybe how
  1. quit your job
    money literally doesn't matter. capitalism makes the dollar bills happy but at what literal cost? it's a social construct anyway. everything except my mental instability is a social construct
  2. i was inspired by a story i read about it once
    i forget what exactly happened but this guy slowly gave away all of his possessions and started to give away his actual body parts and just slept in a cramped cupboard in his otherwise empty room and eventually he was just a head and maybe an arm? perhaps his torso too but idk he was extremely malnourished but he was happy and that's what matters most
  3. instant but temporary relief i get from making a purchase
    why do i need all this stuff. i don't. you don't. i just want to shave my head. i don't even want to own more than an inch and a half of hair on my head. all of these possessions got me fucked up. owning material things is not very chill
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  1. she keeps trying to grab my phone
    what is she even going to do with it? her motor skills are atrocious, there's no way she could type in the passcode or figure out the thumbprint
  2. her fingernails keep scratching my face
    she keeps flinging her arms around and they keep hitting me? where are her manners
  3. she's being mean bc her teeth are coming
    like oh you grow one tooth and suddenly you have the right to scream at people? get it right, bozo. you still shit your pants
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  1. ice your head
    slam your head against a block of ice. that new pain should distract you from the old pain
  2. take pain meds
    go to the nearest drug store and steal as many bottles of ibuprofen or advil you can manage to carry. the adrenaline rush will loosen the restricted blood vessels around your brain that cause the headache. i'm a doctor
  3. sleep it off
    take a nap! nap as long as you want! get in as many REM cycles as you can. sleep forever if you have to. who cares. who the fuck, fucking cares.
  4. nothing else working?
    rip your head off. rip your goddamn head off nothing matters it's not like you can focus on anything else just give up who cares nothing matters time isn't real
how i'm getting myself through my current anxiety attack
  1. my dog, marble, outside
    he's sitting on the patio and looking around, enjoying the fresh air
  2. my friend's body spray
    i don't know what scent it was or where it was from but it smells sorta like if victoria's secret did their own version of the bath & body works warm vanilla sugar scent. she sprayed it on herself while i did her makeup for the wedding she's going to tonight
  3. dying paint
    my mom painted the office last night/today and it's not completely dry yet. the paint is a grey/blue and it looks pretty good. it's the same color scheme as the kitchen
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