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Let's face it, no one wants to work during the holidays.
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    Eat my own shit.
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    Let my cat into my bedroom at night.
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    Pull my toenails out with pliers.
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Everyone needs a television dad.
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    Clear liquor is for rich women on diets.
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    Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat. And cats are useless.
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    Nothing is worse than lying. Except for skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk.
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    Burrito.
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    At Chipotle.
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    Because duh.
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    🌯
I am a typical white girl. Of course I use emojis.
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    😎
    I'm cool. So is this guy. You knows he's an emoji and he is OWNING it. Also often used in my conversations as a portrayal of Stevie Wonder.
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    🔥
    Sometimes you just wanna burn everything to the ground.
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    💉
    Other times you're just feeling stabby.
4 more...