1. Grind your teeth a lot
  2. Remind yourself that they are a "phony" and will fail eventually anyway
  3. Feel bad for judging and fall into a small shame spiral
  4. Remind yourself that though you're not writing right now, when you do write it'll be better than theirs
  5. Feel bad for your pretension. Begin many disconnected activities with gusto, such as: cleaning mirrors, dusting ceiling corners and looking up the origins of the kumquat. "Look world, I'm doing stuff too!"
  6. Make a lot of sauce to distract yourself and pace the kitchen
  7. Feel bad for eating too much sauce and go weigh yourself
  8. Consider if you have a black heart because you're not actually happy for them
  9. Feel bad for thinking you have a black heart when you do, in fact, feel bad for yourself which means you are totally an empathetic and emotionally mature person
  10. Wallow and text your partner constantly while he works on important things like earning a living
  11. Feel bad for bothering him but not enough to stop
  12. Consider how much you hate "doing stuff" and how it would feel if you were out pitching your work right now
  13. Feel bad that you're not out there pitching your work right now
  14. Look up the definition of "solipsistic"
  15. Consider not caring
  16. Wonder if you are now a cool, emotionless person who is not hindered by envy, fear, or crippling self-doubt
  17. Constantly refresh the source that announced their success whether it's Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Group chat, email, etc.
  18. Feel insecure and go back to the sauce
  19. Make a list, any list, to stop eating sauce