The 13 Worst Pictures Of Me That Exist On The Internet

  1. 1.
    I fell asleep one afternoon, and my mum thought it would be funny to take a picture of me in my vulnerable unconscious frog-throated pose, while our cat Britney sat beside me, kneading the arm of the sofa. (I think she climbed onto my stomach soon after this was taken, startling me awake because she probably wanted food.)
  2. 2.
    So back in the days when I was a Mormon, there came the day when I had to be baptised. This was that day. And this was the outfit I had to wear to get dunked in a glorified swimming pool while a disinterested audience anxiously waited to hurry back home to watch the big rugby match of the time. (It's Wales. Rugby's a big thing here. Like, high-school-football-in-Texas big.)
  3. 3.
    In the second (and last) secondary school I went to, I hung out in the library all the time. So much so that, when they launched a school magazine, the piece they did on the library included a photo of its most frequent visitors - hence my inclusion in that unexpected photo shoot. (The unexpectedness explains the awkwardness.)
  4. 4.
    My very last day of school. The only photo that exists of me from that day. And by god, does my hair exceed all universally acknowledged limits of ridiculousness. 😳🙄🙃
  5. 5.
    I was trying to bend over to get into a photo being taken. Or I was trying to be funny. Or both. But whatever it was, I look like a right royal tit.
  6. 6.
    From the same night as the previous photo. Me still trying to be funny. Still being a total tithead. 🙄🙄🙄
  7. 7.
    I can't even even with this. 😑😑😑😑😑
  8. 8.
    A screenshot from a video. Essentially a selfie. Basically all the blame lies with me for inflicting this face upon the world.
  9. 9.
    Kill me. Kill me now.
  10. 10.
    Just get a barrel ready and hand me some ricin-spiked Stevia and let's get this over with. 😫
  11. 11.
    Uuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhh.
  12. 12.
    Was either look ever good for me? TO BEARD OR NOT TO BEARD, said the Bard never.
  13. 13.
    And last but not least:
    All video editing software hates me, and I hate them right back. (But with this face, there's only so much salvageable imagery you can work with...) 😒🙄😤💩