My Top Sandwiches

Because I'm hungry AF
  1. 10. Tuna Sandwich - I like mayonnaise. A tuna sandwich is an exercise in eating mayonnaise. Someone determined it wrong to eat mayonnaise out of the jar with a spoon, so someone else mixed in overcooked, canned fish. Totally fine by me. Add lemon, garlic powder, dill, and crunchy celery and you’ve got a great mayonnaise sandwich. I mean tuna.
  2. 9. PB&J It’s classic, it makes you feel 5 years old again, and it’s quick and easy. Don’t even come at me with that fucking fluff shit or adding bacon and bananas – that’s not a PB&J. That’s an abomination.
  3. 8. Grilled Cheese Another classic that is so simple, so good, so easy, so cheesy, and so cheap. Not coincidentally, this is also how I would describe the perfect woman.
  4. 7. The Cuban - Ham? Yes, please. Roasted pork? With ham? Oh yeah. Swiss cheese? Cool. Pickles? Nom Nom. Mustard? Check. Amazing bread? Got it. And you’re going to put it all together in a cast iron pan, and press it down with a brick until it’s a flat, gooey mess of complete deliciousness? [frantically Googling places for a Cuban sandwich]
  5. 6. Gyro - it’s pronounced yeero. I cringe when someone calls it a GY-ro. If you order a GY-ro you don’t deserve to eat this Adonis-level masterpiece of a Greek sandwich. Lamb shaped into a roll, cooked rotisserie-style and shaved off and dropped straight into a warm pita, topped with onion, lettuce, tomatoes, and tzatziki sauce? Gimme!
  6. 5. French Dip - This seems like a happy accident that turned out for the better. A cook was probably making a beef sandwich and dropped the bread in the beef drippings. The manager likely said just melt some cheese on it and the fat American wouldn't notice. Holy shit – I just looked this up…. basically true. #facts
  7. 4. Turkey Club -This one is tricky; over-toast the bread, use crappy tomatoes, undercook the bacon, use the wrong lettuce, try passing off fake turkey-loaf shit and this quickly turns into an abject disaster where you are left no choice but to walk into the kitchen and smash the crap they called a Turkey Club into the face of the asshat who made it
  8. 3. The Parm Sandwich - Meatball, chicken, eggplant, sausage, flip-flop – who cares! Cover it in sauce and mozz and stuff it into an Italian hoagie roll and we’re in business. Speaking of which, this is my food truck dream – just simple parm sandwiches all day long. Torn between calling it Good Parma or Parm-to-Fork.
  9. 2. Pastrami on Rye You can throw kraut on here and go Rueben, but for me it’s the simplicity of pastrami with spicy mustard on rye bread with a side of pickles that is near perfection. I’m seriously considering hopping on the Metro-North right now to get one in the City. Damn I’m hungry.
  10. 1. Italian Stallion - covered this before – the thought of this sandwich makes my pants feel a little tight. And I don’t mean my belly. It’s a boner. I have problems. Anyway, what really makes this sandwich is the liberal use of oil and vinegar. If the paper bag it comes in isn't leaking through, they made it wrong.