ALL THE WOMEN THAT I AM

I think we are called "crazy" because we aren't one woman, but about 100 women standing in one brain- who take turns at the wheel. Here are a few of mine-
  1. 1.
    Medea at the DMV
    I am covered in the blood of thousands. I could make a bird's head explode with a cough. I have murdered 5834 men, and birthed an entire race of peoples. BAAAAAAAAAAAASHALALAAAAAAMAAAAoh whoa I'm at a CVS. I have this in me, and I'm at a CVS. I could write the story of MAN. No? Just this W-2? Cool. Mmmmight kill someone.
  2. 2.
    Jessica Rabbit on Cocaine
    Get me a Lycra blend and give me ROOM. You make me SICK with your FACE. I will grind it into the nearest wall to wall carpeting at the closest Sheraton! SILENCE! All of these construction workers are my SUBJECTS. BOW, PEASANT! I know you're on a business call but guess what's about to happen? No, stay on the phone, did I tell you to hang up? I am the sexiest woman that ever LIVED!
  3. 3.
    Manatee on bad mushrooms
    I know I talked a big game in the cab home but...I guess I just like, saw a picture of myself on Instagram that I didn't approve and like...have I always looked this bad? Am I the "BOO! BOOO!" woman from Princess bride? I look like an old spaniel did heroin for 13 years. Iiiiiiiiiiii aaaaaaaaaam theeeee wooooooorssssttttt DONT TOUCH ME
  4. 4.
    Julianne Moore in a log cabin
    Come by the hearth, I've made farro and peanut butter. I know it doesn't make sense dearheart, but our gender-fluid son Julian asked for it. Is the sun hitting my no-makeup face just so? I guess I have a sheen from my yoga class. Restorative, of course. I stopped working out for the beach years ago. Just for my soul. You want some kukicha tea baby?
  5. 5.
    Janine garofalo on hold with time warner cable
    Fuck. You.
  6. 6.
    My mother
    Stain on my shirt right when it counts. Chocolate on my face from eating it too fast. Threw away IRS mail. Sticking out my tongue at a kid at the bank while his mom is weirded out. Oh shit I'm her.
  7. 7.
    Scout Finch
    I don't wanna wear a dress. That person seems lonely. Why are "the way things are" the way things are?
  8. 8.
    Everything ever
    Run at the horizon, only I exist! Stay home with you, I see you so clearly! I want to put my phone in the ocean and never see anyone again! I want to have 472929 babies and all of you over to my cottage in a glen where I'll die at 102! Middle finger! Open arms!