ALL THE WOMEN THAT I AM
I think we are called "crazy" because we aren't one woman, but about 100 women standing in one brain- who take turns at the wheel. Here are a few of mine-
- •Medea at the DMVI am covered in the blood of thousands. I could make a bird's head explode with a cough. I have murdered 5834 men, and birthed an entire race of peoples. BAAAAAAAAAAAASHALALAAAAAAMAAAAoh whoa I'm at a CVS. I have this in me, and I'm at a CVS. I could write the story of MAN. No? Just this W-2? Cool. Mmmmight kill someone.
- •Jessica Rabbit on CocaineGet me a Lycra blend and give me ROOM. You make me SICK with your FACE. I will grind it into the nearest wall to wall carpeting at the closest Sheraton! SILENCE! All of these construction workers are my SUBJECTS. BOW, PEASANT! I know you're on a business call but guess what's about to happen? No, stay on the phone, did I tell you to hang up? I am the sexiest woman that ever LIVED!
- •Manatee on bad mushroomsI know I talked a big game in the cab home but...I guess I just like, saw a picture of myself on Instagram that I didn't approve and like...have I always looked this bad? Am I the "BOO! BOOO!" woman from Princess bride? I look like an old spaniel did heroin for 13 years. Iiiiiiiiiiii aaaaaaaaaam theeeee wooooooorssssttttt DONT TOUCH ME
- •Julianne Moore in a log cabinCome by the hearth, I've made farro and peanut butter. I know it doesn't make sense dearheart, but our gender-fluid son Julian asked for it. Is the sun hitting my no-makeup face just so? I guess I have a sheen from my yoga class. Restorative, of course. I stopped working out for the beach years ago. Just for my soul. You want some kukicha tea baby?
- •Janine garofalo on hold with time warner cableFuck. You.
- •My motherStain on my shirt right when it counts. Chocolate on my face from eating it too fast. Threw away IRS mail. Sticking out my tongue at a kid at the bank while his mom is weirded out. Oh shit I'm her.
- •Scout FinchI don't wanna wear a dress. That person seems lonely. Why are "the way things are" the way things are?
- •Everything everRun at the horizon, only I exist! Stay home with you, I see you so clearly! I want to put my phone in the ocean and never see anyone again! I want to have 472929 babies and all of you over to my cottage in a glen where I'll die at 102! Middle finger! Open arms!