I LOVE MEN / I HATE MEN

  1. Love: soulful pudgy phone-salesman dad of the Barbershop Quartet world
    Have you been down this YouTube rabbit hole yet? These men may spend most days bravely tallying how they're gonna send their Francesca to an out of state school on an assistant principals salary- but today? They're Pavarotti-ing your childhood journal in your face.
  2. Hate: jock told in high school should be on SNL..was that person on LSD
    That wasn't a joke sir, just a loud sentence. Now that, that was a joke- the one I said quietly 3 minutes ago that you've now passed as your own to the group. What's ha- are you having a stroke? Oh it's an anchorman impression. I loathe myself for wanting you to like me.
  3. Love: sleepy fireman
    Likes brisket, blockbusters that flopped for a reason, carharts, a darkhorse Kardashian member. Dislikes the fuckin way that driver just made that k turn and Bravo.
  4. Hate: Delusional Toad in Position of Power
    Um...sir? The only reason I am smiling right now is because I want health insurance. You are a rapey Wind in the Willows character, you are Wally Shawn as Jafar as a Brussels Griffin and I have no doubt your balls look like purpley fetal diseased dumplings. Get your fucking hand off the small of my back and return to your cave of sadness.
  5. Love: a toddler boy who looks like a small businessman
    ...hair in an electrified *PAUGH* from stress of trying to keep his northern England button store afloat, he takes to the drink (stumbly) he's also a boardwalk empire character, the frowny doughy face of a man about to pump your dandy ass full a lead. Give the man some goddamn juice
  6. Hate: you're very lucky to have me here!
    It's not a group conversation, it's a series of feeble preludes and then a polite pause before he inhales (thank you!!!) and lets everyone know the truth (we have been waiting!!) about what you're talking about. And about people from where you're from. Please don't interrupt them with an anecdote about the actual place!!!! He KNOWS.
  7. Love: the doorman at my therapist's
    YOU SEE ME SIR
  8. Hate: Vulnerability = Losing and I will NEVER LOSE
    Evil vulnerability lurks everywhere! I will keep interrupting your story with "yup" because admitting not knowing something = TINY PENIS. Using a blinker? PENIS GONE.
  9. Love: Teamsters
    He's Santa as an ex-cop, had the first wife then a major life change and week 2 will give a detail about his life that is heartbreaking and beautiful for no reason and should we be married should you be my dad VINNY THANK YOU
  10. Hate: all the men that have sexually harassed me this week
    The guys that always stand on waverly and Fulton, the guys that always stand outside the bodega on my corner, the cop, the guy at the stoplight in the van, the guy driving a UPS truck, the cop, the two guys who must have been 14 on the C train, the construction workers on Fulton, the construction workers on Vanderbilt, the guy who got me to take out my headphones saying I'd dropped something when I hadn't and got really close and commented on my body and followed me five blocks, oh and the cop.
  11. Love: some MEN
    Gandolfini and Cranston nailed it for me- simultaneously Aslan the lion as Stanley Kowalski...and Kevin McCallister in a green robe running at his mom for dear fucking life
  12. Hate: some MEN
    The world is changing buds. You will fall to the side.